ES2007S: Professional Communications

SAY WHAT?!? Wednesday, September 23, 2009 7:10 AM

Unless you've watched How I Met Your Mother, the title of this post would be nothing more than bad English and could possibly be offensive to you if it were my response to something you have just said. On the other hand, if you've watched the series (and loved it), then you'll totally understand that it's nothing more than a humorous response mimicking the character, Barney, who plays the jester of the TV series. This is a simplified example of an inter-(sub)cultural conflict and goes to show that inter-cultural conflicts are indeed commonplace in a world that is segmented into communities of varying beliefs and values.

I'd like to think of the culture that defines our identity as a multi-tiered chocolate fudge cake, topped with frosting and whatnot. The first and most important tier is the ethnical culture, followed by subcultures and cultural universals. And the frosting represent bits of individuality and non-conformity that makes you unique (as you would have described in the personal statement, or otherwise). For the purpose of this post, I will conjure an inter-ethnical conflict that will hopefully enlighten you in one way or another.

It was the 80th birthday celebration of Jamie's grandmother. Jamie had invited several of her friends, including Stan, an American exchange student. It was a pleasant affair up until the cutting of the cake. Stan felt obliged to offer his help since Jamie's grandmother had been so kind and hospitable throughout the celebration. Hence, he decided to help with the cutting and serving of the birthday cake. In the midst of cutting the cake and serving them to other guests, Stan had repeatedly left the knife stuck in the cake. Just then, Jamie's grandmother stood up and stormed out of the room. Stan, unaware of the significance of his actions, was caught off guard.

In the Chinese tradition, any stick-like object pointed upward resembles the incense sticks that some Asians use as offerings to deceased family members. In fact, certain funerary rites designate offerings of food to the dead using standing chopsticks. Being a traditional Chinese lady, Jamie's grandmother had been horribly offended by Stan's actions of sticking the knife, in an upward manner, into her birthday cake. Stan's actions were undoubtedly interpreted as a death wish for her 80th birthday. Stan, on the other hand, did not even realise the blunder he had made!

Stan had only the best of intentions and yet his lack of awareness about the Chinese culture had resulted in a conflict as such. Evidently, getting acquainted with the etiquette and taboos of a region's ethnical culture is essential prior to your traveling. Do so diligently, or you could end up offending someone unintentionally. If unsure, it's always better to play safe and ask others who are familiar with the culture in question. And if all sources fail you, Google (and remember to check the authenticity of the references)!

★Posted by g.

There are 7 comments!

BOBAG commented at September 24, 2009 at 9:53 AM :

hey gwen,
Although I feel that the scenario you have described could have been easily avoided by an observant individual, I think it doesn't take someone who isn't accustomed to our culture to commit such a mistake.

I have seen friends of mine stick their utensils into their bowls of rice and left it standing over meals, despite being 100% Chinese and brought up locally.

About reading up about the local culture before traveling, as mentioned in the class, some cultures cannot be 'dug-up', so won't this advice be a little futile?

cheers

Audrey Wong commented at September 27, 2009 at 1:51 AM :

Hi Gwen,

I think you described the scenario pretty well and it is really very common for problems like this to arise with all the customs and beliefs Chinese have. To be honest, I really don't know most of the Chinese beliefs because I was brought up in a Christian family and my family doesn't practice them anymore.

I remember one year when I went to visit the graves with my grandma (mum's side) who's a Buddhist. It was the first time I saw my grandpa's tombstone and I was awed by it. So, I said, "It's so pretty! Will grandma be buried next to it when she die?". Out of innocence, of course. And my grandma didn't talk to me the entire day. Not till my uncle told me what happened and I apologised.

g. commented at September 27, 2009 at 7:09 PM :

Hey Audrey and Feodor,

Thank you for your comments.

Feodor: I agree that the cultural practice that I have pointed out may not be known to many in our generation. Though it may have been a traditional Chinese culture, a lot of the culture and its taboos have been lost along the way, with the progressive Westernisation. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean what the older generations hold dear to them or believes in should be dismissed so quickly. My grandmother herself is extremely particular about this. And noticing that many of us young Singaporean Chinese aren't aware of this, I'd thought it'll be good to bring it up. In a way, you could consider this a subculture of the elderly group of Chinese instead of a Chinese culture, given that not all of us have been brought up to recognise it.

As to reading up before travelling, I agree that you cannot read about everything before your trip. No one knows it all, not even google. However, reading up prevents common cultural mistakes from being committed. For example, because of my failure to research about Shanghai, or rather China before I went there, I ended up offending every air stewardess on my flight because I am completely ignorant about the fact that calling them "Xiao Jie" (Miss) is in fact terribly offensive because that is a term for prostitutes or working girls, as they call it. They are to be called "Fu Wu Yuan" (Service personnels) instead. And alas, I didn't know that until my friend who lives in Shanghai told me so when I arrived. No wonder I got glares throughout my flight and water took longer than usual to be served. :(

Audrey: I hope your grandmother was alright after that! The older generation is indeed very touchy about the whole death issue. Your example has illustrated the very point that I was trying to bring across to Feodor!

Cheers
Gwen

Brad Blackstone commented at October 4, 2009 at 2:14 AM :

Dear Gwen,

I really like the way you introduce your observed scenario with the layer cake analogy. (However, I would use the term ethnic rather than ethnical.) The analogy aptly shows the layers that exists in human relationships and cultural and social associations.

As far as the story itself goes, was this a real-life situation or an actual conjuring as you allude to? It's hard for me to fathom that any guest would even want to be involved in the cake cutting, and more difficult to imagine the person doing what this guy did. That is so clearly a violation of a norm, even in American society! That's why it strikes me as odd and, hopefully, fictional. (Please tell me this is NOT true. otherwise, I will again have to hide my American identity for a few more years!)

In any case, I appreciate the way you've tried to use this story to introduce how norms vary from culture to culture (but like I said, there is a norm in America NOT to leave a knife in a cake like that!).

Thank you for this effort!

g. commented at October 4, 2009 at 10:40 PM :

This comment has been removed by the author.

g. commented at October 4, 2009 at 10:42 PM :

Hi Brad!

Thank you for taking time to comment on my post.

Unfortunately, it was adapted from a true story (the reason why he decided to help out is a story for another day). Fortunately, I did tweak the nationality a little. So no worries, you don't have to hide your identity! You can still be a proud American!

Anyway, I never knew Americans had a norm NOT to do so! Very interesting. I apologize that I have generalized this behaviour that I have witnessed to all Westerners.

Cheers
Gwen

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